Why You Can't Sleep (And It's Not Just Because Your Mind Won't Stop)
Estimated Read Time: 6 minutes
It's 2am. You're exhausted but wide awake. Your mind is racing through tomorrow's to-do list, replaying conversations from three years ago, worrying about things that might never happen.
Or maybe you fall asleep fine but wake up at 3am, heart pounding, and can't get back to sleep. Or you sleep through the night but wake up feeling like you haven't slept at all.
If you've tried meditation apps, melatonin, chamomile tea, and all the sleep hygiene advice the internet has to offer with no luck, there might be something else going on. Your sleep problem might actually be a safety problem.
Your Brain's Night Shift Security Guard
When you've experienced trauma, whether from sexual assault, domestic violence, or chronic stress, your brain's alarm system gets recalibrated. It becomes hypersensitive to potential threats.
During the day, you can usually override this. You're busy, distracted, managing things. But at night, when everything is quiet and you're supposed to let your guard down, your nervous system objects.
"Wait," it says. "Are you sure it's safe to be unconscious right now? What if something happens while we're asleep?"
This isn't conscious worry. It's happening in the deeper parts of your brain that don't use words or logic. Your nervous system is literally staying on night watch, convinced that you're not safe enough to fully rest.
This is why sleep problems after trauma are so stubborn. It's not just about racing thoughts or bad sleep habits. It's about a nervous system that doesn't feel safe enough to turn off.
The Sleep Window (And Why You Keep Missing It)
Your body has a natural sleep window, usually lasting about 20-30 minutes. You feel sleepy, your eyes get heavy, maybe you yawn. If you go to sleep during this window, you'll fall asleep easily.
Miss the window, and your body releases cortisol to keep you awake until the next window (usually 90 minutes later).
Trauma survivors often push through these windows because being tired during the day feels safer than the vulnerability of sleep. Or they ignore the signals because they've learned not to trust what their body is telling them.
Start noticing your sleep windows:
For one week, keep a simple log of when you first feel sleepy in the evening. Not when you think you should go to bed. When your body actually signals tiredness.
Most people have a window between 9-10pm. If you push through it to do just one more thing, you'll often end up wired until midnight.
Honor the window. Even if it feels "too early." Your body knows what it needs.
The Weighted Blanket Effect (Without Buying One)
Deep pressure on your body activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which signals safety and calm. This is why weighted blankets help so many people sleep.
But you can create this effect without spending $150.
DIY deep pressure techniques:
Self-hug method: Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze firmly. Hold for 30 seconds. Release. Repeat three times. Do this right before you want to sleep.
Pillow burrito: Lie on your side and wedge pillows against your front and back. You want to feel held, not trapped. Adjust until the pressure feels comforting.
The roll technique: Before bed, lie on the floor and slowly roll side to side, letting your body weight create pressure. Do this for 2-3 minutes.
These techniques work because they give your nervous system the physical message that you're safe enough to rest.
The 3am Wake-Up Protocol
If you wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety or hypervigilance, don't fight it. Lying there trying to force yourself back to sleep usually makes it worse.
Instead, try this:
Get out of bed. Yes, really. Go to a different room if you can.
Do something boring and slightly physical. Fold laundry in dim light. Organize a drawer. Wash dishes by hand. Something repetitive that occupies your hands but not your mind.
No screens. No scrolling. No interesting books. You want boring.
After 20-30 minutes, your body will usually signal sleepiness again. When it does, go back to bed.
This breaks the cycle of "lying in bed equals being anxious and awake." Your bed becomes associated with sleep again, not wakefulness.
Body Scan for Sleep (The Reverse Order Version)
Most body scans start at your feet and work up. For sleep, try the reverse. It mimics the way your body naturally falls asleep, shutting down from the top down.
Here's how:
Lie in bed in your normal sleep position. Close your eyes.
Bring your attention to the top of your head. Notice any sensations there. Imagine that area becoming heavy and soft, sinking into the pillow.
Move to your forehead. Let it smooth out. Release any tension.
Continue down:
Your eyes (let them be heavy)
Your jaw (slightly apart, not clenched)
Your neck and throat
Your shoulders (let them drop away from your ears)
Your arms and hands
Your chest and ribs
Your stomach
Your hips and pelvis
Your thighs
Your knees and shins
Your ankles and feet
Take your time with each area. If you get distracted, just come back to wherever you left off.
Most people fall asleep before completing this. That's the point.
The Trauma-Informed Sleep Environment
Your bedroom might be keeping you awake without you realizing it. When your nervous system is on high alert, environmental factors matter more.
Safety signals to add:
Visual escape route: Can you see your bedroom door from bed? If not, rearrange your bed so you can. Knowing you can see the exit helps your nervous system relax.
Consistent nighttime routine: Do the same 4-5 things in the same order every night. Your nervous system loves predictability. It signals "this is the safe sleep routine."
Temperature control: Keep your room cool (65-68°F is ideal). Trauma survivors often run hot at night from elevated cortisol.
White noise or brown noise: This masks sudden sounds that might startle you awake. Brown noise is especially calming for a hypervigilant nervous system.
Familiar scent: Use the same essential oil or lotion every night as part of your routine. Lavender, chamomile, or whatever smells calming to you. Your brain will start associating that scent with sleep.
Safety signals to remove:
Take a hard look at your bedroom through the lens of safety, not aesthetics. Mirrors that show the door? Clutter that creates shadows? A closet door that's slightly open? These might be keeping you on edge.
The Cortisol Spike Problem
If you consistently wake up between 2-4am feeling anxious or alert, you might be having a cortisol spike. This happens when your adrenal system is dysregulated from chronic stress or trauma.
You can't fix this overnight, but you can manage it:
Before bed: Have a small protein snack (turkey, almonds, Greek yogurt). This helps stabilize blood sugar through the night, which prevents cortisol spikes.
If you wake up: Don't lie there stewing. Get up and eat another small protein snack. It sounds counterintuitive, but it can help you get back to sleep within 20 minutes.
During the day: Work on stress management and nervous system regulation (using the tools from previous blog posts). The middle-of-the-night waking is often a symptom of daytime nervous system dysregulation.
The Nightmares Question
If nightmares are disrupting your sleep, that's a different issue that needs specific attention. Nightmares after trauma are your brain trying to process experiences it hasn't been able to integrate.
Immediate relief strategies:
Image rehearsal therapy (simplified): During the day, write down the nightmare. Then rewrite the ending. Make it less scary, give yourself power, change the outcome. Read the new version before bed for a week.
The 3-2-1 grounding: If you wake from a nightmare, immediately name 3 things you can see, 2 things you can hear, 1 thing you can touch. This pulls you out of the dream and into present reality.
But consistent nightmares usually need therapeutic intervention. They're not something you should just accept as your new normal.
When Sleep Problems Need Professional Support
These tools help many people improve their sleep significantly. But if you're experiencing:
Nightmares more than twice a week
Severe insomnia lasting months
Fear of going to sleep
Sleep paralysis
Panic attacks upon waking
You likely need trauma-focused therapy, not just better sleep hygiene. EMDR and other somatic therapies can help your nervous system reprocess the trauma that's keeping you on high alert at night.
The goal isn't perfect sleep. It's sleep that's good enough. Where you feel rested most mornings. Where you're not dreading bedtime. Where sleep is a place of rest, not a battlefield.
Struggling with sleep after trauma? We work with survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence throughout Utah who are finally ready to rest. Schedule a free consultation to talk about trauma-focused treatment that addresses the root of sleep problems.